From Dread to Growth: Rethinking 1:1 Meetings

Let’s be honest: for many professionals, 1:1 meetings fall somewhere between “necessary evil” and “weekly headache.” Even with all the leadership advice about their importance, I’ve seen—and maybe you have too—how these meetings can feel routine, rushed, or just plain awkward. The worry is that adding structure will stifle authenticity, turning real people into items on a checklist. But is that really the case? Or could a bit of intention and framework be exactly what’s needed to unlock the full potential of these conversations?

If you’re hoping to move your 1:1s from obligation to opportunity, you’re not alone. I want to break down why so many 1:1s miss the mark, how structure can actually support genuine connection, and some practical ways to transform your meetings into high-impact moments for growth and alignment.

Why Most 1:1 Meetings Miss the Mark

If you’ve ever left a 1:1 feeling uninspired—or worse, unseen—you’re not imagining things. Too often, these meetings become box-checking exercises. There’s no clear agenda—just a quick “How’s everything going?” and some casual updates before everyone moves on. Instead of being a space for support or growth, it’s just another meeting clogging up the calendar.

Why does this happen? In my experience, it almost always comes down to a lack of intentionality and structure. Without clarity about the purpose—whether it’s coaching, feedback, alignment, or development—it’s easy to default to what feels safe or familiar. Leaders may hope that a relaxed approach encourages openness, but what really happens is that real opportunities for feedback and growth get missed.

Having both led and attended hundreds of these meetings myself, I know how easily they drift into small talk or surface-level updates that add little value.

The real cost of unstructured meetings isn’t just wasted time—it’s missed opportunities. Employees walk away feeling like their challenges aren’t addressed, their growth goes unnoticed, and their potential is overlooked. It’s like tossing a ball back and forth without aiming for anything—busy, but not moving forward.

According to Flowtrace’s meeting statistics, 64% of recurring meetings don’t have an agenda at all. Almost two-thirds of meetings happen without clear objectives. Is it any wonder so many people find 1:1s ineffective—or even demotivating?

But here’s the hopeful part: when leaders get 1:1s right—by bringing both intention and structure—the transformation is real. Forbes research on intentional 1:1s found that intentional 1:1s are strongly linked with employee thriving and engagement. These meetings help people feel seen, supported, and motivated to do their best work.

If you’re interested in how cultivating feedback can further enhance these meetings, consider exploring ways to build a culture of feedback that boosts trust and growth across your team.

Debunking Myths: Structure vs. Authenticity in Effective 1:1 Meetings

Let me pause here because this is where so many people get tripped up: there’s a persistent myth that structure kills authenticity—that by using an agenda or framework, we lose the human side of our conversations.

I’ve heard leaders say, “I want my team to feel heard, not managed.” The implication is that bringing structure removes empathy or spontaneity. But that’s not how it works—not if you do it right.

Structure isn’t about scripting every word; it’s about being prepared and present. In fact, having a framework enables deeper authenticity by clarifying what matters—growth, well-being, challenges, or wins—and allowing both sides to show up more openly.

Think of it as setting the table for a nourishing meal. If you skip the prep work, you might end up with crumbs instead of something satisfying. With intention and structure, you create space for both comfort and candor—a healthy balance between guidance and genuine connection.

Here’s another way to see it: structure acts as a safe container for authentic interaction. When boundaries and expectations are clear, it becomes easier to talk about what really matters—even the tough stuff.

And it’s worth repeating: people aren’t checklists—but frameworks aren’t checklists either. A good framework is like scaffolding—it supports real conversation without dictating it.

Shifting your mindset from “structure restricts” to “structure liberates” is where things start to change—for you and your team.

If you want to dive deeper into balancing empathy with decisiveness in leadership moments, explore defining moments for leaders for further insights.

The Three-Part Playbook for Intentional 1:1s

If you’re wondering how this looks in practice, let me share a simple model I’ve seen work across teams and industries: the ARC model—Align (on goals and expectations), Reflect (on progress and challenges), and Coach (for future growth).

Here’s how you can bring more intention—and impact—to every 1:1:

1. Build Trust with Open Conversations

   Start each meeting by connecting as humans—not just colleagues ticking off tasks. Go beyond the generic “How are you?” Try open-ended questions like “What’s been energizing or challenging you lately?” or “What’s top-of-mind for you right now?”

   These moments lay the groundwork for psychological safety—the foundation of all great teams. Google’s Project Aristotle found psychological safety was the single most important factor for high performance. Genuine curiosity at the beginning of each meeting signals that your team member is valued for more than just their output.

   And don’t underestimate the compound effect here. Consistently making space for vulnerability—not just status updates—builds trust over time.

   Want more ideas on how listening can unlock better leadership? Dive into why everyone has something to teach you and how curiosity transforms teams.

2. Guide with Structure for Intentionality

   Once trust is in place, introduce some structure—not as a rigid script, but as a flexible guide.

   • What’s going well?
   • Where are you feeling stuck?
   • What support do you need?
   • Are there new opportunities on your radar?

   You don’t need an elaborate agenda—just enough scaffolding to keep things focused and intentional. I’ve seen managers at fast-growing startups move from scattered chats to deep conversations just by sticking to three recurring discussion points each week.

   As People Managing People explains, structuring an agenda with relevant talking points ensures you cover ground that matters—while still leaving room to follow the conversation where it needs to go. Some weeks will call for deep dives into challenges; others are better spent celebrating wins or exploring new ideas.

   And remember: regular check-ins reinforce that everyone’s voice—and progress—matters to the bigger picture. When you show up with intention and clarity, people feel seen and supported instead of adrift in endless status updates.

   If you’re looking for practical ways to shift from being busy to truly impactful as a leader, discover how to make the shift from busy to impactful—a perfect complement to intentional 1:1 practices.

3. Focus on Growth Beyond Tasks

   Here’s where most 1:1s really transform: when you look beyond today’s to-do list and create space for development conversations.

   Ask not just “What did you get done?” but “What did you learn?” or “Where do you want to grow next?”

   And don’t shy away from checking in on well-being—even if it feels outside your usual script. In fast-paced environments, asking about workload balance or mental health isn’t just compassionate—it’s smart leadership. These conversations surface issues before they become problems.

   Gallup research consistently finds that regular developmental conversations are linked with higher engagement and retention. When growth is woven into regular 1:1s—not just tacked on at review time—motivation and purpose rise across the board.

   When leaders center growth over task completion in their 1:1s, they foster stronger alignment, deeper relationships, and meaningful progress over time.

   If you’re interested in giving more effective feedback that truly helps your team grow, explore how to give feedback without it backfiring.

Making Every 1:1 Count

Let me slow down here because this is where things really shift:

When you shift your mindset from “What do we need to get through?” to “How can we move forward together?” your meetings become transformational instead of transactional.

And if you don’t have direct reports? Flip it around by guiding your supervisor toward more meaningful dialogue—share your needs and aspirations openly. These shifts work up, down, and sideways on any team.

For further insights into mastering feedback dynamics no matter your position in an organization, discover strategies for mastering feedback up, down, and sideways for actionable approaches.

Over time, small changes like these add up. The more intentional you are before and during each meeting, the more your 1:1s evolve from dreaded obligations into moments of real progress—for both you and your team.

The Bottom Line: Blending Structure With Sincerity

Rethinking effective 1:1 meetings isn’t about choosing between checklists or connection—it’s about blending structure with sincerity. When you show up with intention and frameworks focused on trust and growth, both meetings—and leaders—transform in powerful ways.

Ultimately, every leader has the ability to turn routine check-ins into meaningful growth moments—for themselves and their teams. By embracing intentionality and structure alongside genuine care, you create conversations that drive results and foster deeper connection.

So why not make your next 1:1 an opportunity to spark real change? You might be surprised at how much difference one intentional conversation can make.