Introduction: The Stories We Don’t See

There’s a quiet power in the stories we never hear—the ones tucked away beneath everyday interactions.

It’s so tempting—almost reflexive—to see others’ success as effortless while cataloging every bump and bruise along our own path. I’ve caught myself doing it more times than I’d like to admit. The truth is, we rarely see the full picture of anyone’s life, even when we think we do.

Understanding unseen struggles starts with admitting how much we miss when we lean on assumptions. Each person’s story is layered, complicated, and—so often—invisible. If we lead with curiosity and empathy, we can begin to see beyond the surface. That shift doesn’t just change our perceptions; it can transform our relationships.

The Lens of Assumption: Why We Judge from the Surface

We’re wired to judge by what’s visible. Meet someone who’s racked up professional milestones or seems to move through life without breaking a sweat, and it’s easy to chalk it up to privilege—a fancy degree, family support, or just dumb luck. Meanwhile, our own wins feel hard-earned because we’ve lived through every late night, every setback, every moment of self-doubt.

But here’s the part that stings: this isn’t just casual observation. It’s a classic psychological trap called the fundamental attribution error. We tend to believe someone’s behavior or success is all about who they are—their work ethic or character—while brushing aside all the situational stuff that’s outside their control.

Think about the workplace. A colleague gets promoted and, not knowing what they’ve been through, we might assume they were simply favored or had an easier path than we did. What doesn’t cross our minds? That everyone carries burdens you can’t see from the outside—family stress, financial worries, private battles with self-doubt.

Let me slow down here and bring in a bigger example. Consider Malala Yousafzai. Her global recognition might seem to overshadow her adversity. But if you know her story, you know it’s anything but straightforward triumph. Her journey reminds us that public achievements almost always mask deep personal challenges.

Even in day-to-day moments—say someone misses a deadline—it’s tempting to think they’re lazy or careless, forgetting they might be overwhelmed by things we’ll never know about. Recognizing this bias isn’t just useful; it’s necessary if we want to see people more clearly.

So why do we fall into this trap? Partly, it protects our egos—downplaying others’ struggles makes our own accomplishments feel bigger. Sometimes, though, it’s just the pace of life; snap judgments are efficient, but they’re rarely right.

Understanding Unseen Struggles: Shifting Our Perspective

What if we hit pause before jumping to conclusions? What if—rather than asking “How did they get so lucky?”—we asked “What’s their story?”

Everyone has chapters they keep private. The colleague who breezes through presentations might be caring for an ill parent at home. The friend who always seems upbeat could be quietly battling anxiety. Even people with similar backgrounds walk very different paths shaped by factors we’ll never see.

One tool I keep coming back to is perspective-taking: actually imagining what someone else’s day feels like, or what weights they might carry. There’s research showing that this small act can boost empathy and strip away our built-in biases.

This is where the rubber meets the road. When we start with curiosity instead of assumption, we open ourselves up to real empathy—not just for others’ successes but for their struggles too. Asking “What’s their story?” reframes achievement as part of a larger human journey—not just a lucky break.

You might be surprised at how often curiosity can transform frustration into understanding, even in moments of annoyance or misunderstanding. Small mindset shifts like these can help create more meaningful connections.

Practical Ways to Cultivate Empathy and Understanding

Spotting unseen struggles is just step one—how do we make it a habit?

• Self-Reflection Exercises
  At the end of your day, spend five minutes thinking about someone you’ve envied or judged lately. Ask yourself: What might I not know about their story? What am I assuming? It’s humbling—and it breaks the cycle of automatic judgment.
• Empathetic Questioning
  Before you leap to conclusions about someone else’s success or shortcomings, reframe your thoughts. Instead of “They’ve had it easy,” try “What challenges might they face?” or “What strengths helped them get here?” Over time, these questions start to rewire your knee-jerk reactions.
• Practice Active Listening
  With colleagues or friends, focus on hearing them out—really listening for what’s said and what isn’t. Sometimes the most important things are left unsaid, and giving space for those layers helps people feel seen.
• Journal Your Assumptions
  Keep a running list of snap judgments you catch yourself making throughout the week—about coworkers, strangers, even public figures. Circle back: which ones held up? Which were based on fragments of information? This exercise builds self-awareness around your blind spots.

Empathy—genuinely tuning into other people’s thoughts and feelings—is both vital and challenging. Stanford psychologist Jamil Zaki calls it the “psychological ‘superglue’ that connects people” and undergirds cooperation and kindness. The catch? It isn’t a box you check once; it’s a mindset you build over time.

Organizations like Google have rolled out empathy workshops and storytelling circles for employees—not as window dressing but because creating space for real stories supports trust and psychological safety at work.

You may notice that breaking out of your own bubble is a powerful way to cultivate both awareness and authentic connection with others. Sometimes all it takes is stepping outside your comfort zone to start seeing people—and yourself—with new eyes.

Leading with Empathy: Transforming Relationships and Culture

Empathy isn’t just some feel-good personal trait—it has ripple effects across teams and entire organizations. When leaders and colleagues make space for each other’s unseen struggles, it sends a clear message: your whole story matters here.

Where empathy is part of the culture, trust grows deeper roots. People bring more of themselves—flaws included—to work each day. The result? Collaboration improves, teams bounce back from setbacks more quickly, and morale climbs.

One powerful example: Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella has made empathy a core value—something credited with reshaping company culture and sparking new waves of innovation. It isn’t theoretical; empathetic leadership changes outcomes.

But this isn’t just about business metrics—it spills over into our communities and relationships too. Every time we choose curiosity over judgment, our connections become less transactional and more meaningful.

Imagine a team where people are invited to share not just what they do but what shapes them—their ambitions and their adversities alike. That kind of honesty doesn’t just foster loyalty; it helps prevent burnout and isolation.

If you’re wondering how to navigate tough conversations with more understanding, mastering disagreement through effective communication can be an essential skill on your empathy journey.

At its best, this shift leads to workplaces—and communities—that value each person for who they are beneath the surface.

Turning Insight into Action

Awareness is only half the battle; action is where change happens. So here’s my invitation: take five minutes today to reflect on someone you’ve envied or judged—whether at work or in your personal life. Ask yourself: What’s their story? How might unseen struggles have shaped their journey?

Think of empathy as a muscle—the more you exercise it by pausing, questioning your assumptions, and listening deeply, the stronger it gets.

Jot down your reflections in a journal or talk them through with a trusted friend or colleague. Notice how this small act of curiosity shifts your perspective—and maybe even your relationship with that person.

If this practice feels meaningful, invite others along for the ride. Share your experience in conversation or with your team. The more we normalize asking “What’s their story?” instead of assuming we already know, the more empathetic our communities become.

Understanding unseen struggles isn’t just about kindness—it’s about building stronger connections and cultures rooted in respect and curiosity.

For those looking to explore how small acts can make a difference beyond themselves, consider reading about the ripple effect of kindness—sometimes all it takes is one gesture to inspire meaningful change in others.

Let’s choose to lead with empathy. Our workplaces—and our world—will be better for it.

In a world where so much remains unseen, choosing curiosity over certainty allows us to truly connect with those around us. By remembering to ask “What’s their story?” we honor all the hidden journeys that shape each individual—and open the door to greater empathy in our everyday lives.