Introduction: The Unexpected Lesson in an Untied Shoe

By the time I reached the coffee shop, something clicked: not every loose end needs tying. Not every moment calls for productivity or polish. That untied shoe became my little lesson—a reminder that meaning often hides in the smallest, most ordinary moments if we’re willing to notice.

When ‘I Can’t’ Is the Most Honest Answer

We live in a world that practically worships productivity and hustle. “Keep going.” “Do more.” “Never let up.” These messages are everywhere—workplaces, social feeds, even our own inner voices. There’s this quiet pressure to tie every loose end, check every box, optimize every second. But what happens when we simply run out of steam? When all our mind or body can offer is an honest, gentle “I can’t”?

That morning, my untied shoe became a stand-in for all the little things that pile up—the emails left unanswered, dishes still in the sink, the favors we agree to when we’re already stretched thin. It’s rarely the tasks themselves that weigh us down; it’s their relentlessness. Expecting ourselves to do everything can feel suffocating.

Here’s the part most people skip: Admitting “I can’t” isn’t failure—it’s self-awareness. It means acknowledging that we’re human, with limits and needs that deserve respect. The honest answer isn’t always shiny or impressive, but it’s so often exactly what we need.

Decision fatigue plays a big role here. It’s what happens when your brain gets tired from making too many choices—your self-control and decision quality start to slip. Dr. Lisa MacLean at Henry Ford Health puts it simply: “The more decisions you have to make, the more fatigue you develop and the more difficult making decisions can become.” Learn more about Dr. MacLean’s insights on decision fatigue.

A helpful reframe for this is the Spoon Theory. It’s used in chronic illness communities to describe having a limited supply of energy—imagine each task takes a ‘spoon’ from your daily quota. Once you’re out, you’re out. Recognizing your own limits helps you spend your energy more intentionally instead of draining yourself dry.

Each time you choose to honor your capacity instead of forcing perfection, you’re practicing self-compassion—and trust me, that counts for a lot.

Letting Go: Why Small Things Matter Less Than We Think

Choosing not to tie my shoe wasn’t about saving time—it was about letting go of something unimportant so I could focus on what mattered most that morning: being present for myself. In our push to control and perfect every detail, it’s easy to lose sight of what genuinely deserves our attention.

Letting go isn’t about neglect—it’s about prioritization. Especially when stress levels are high, trying to wrangle every last detail only drains us further. Sometimes, setting boundaries (with yourself and with others) is an act of survival.

Picture this: you’re climbing a hill with a backpack. Every little thing you toss inside—those metaphorical untied shoelaces—adds weight. Eventually, it becomes too much and forward motion grinds to a halt. By choosing which things really need to come along for the climb (and which can stay behind), you lighten your load and regain momentum.

Let me pause here—during crunch times at work, I’ve seen leaders purposely leave some emails unanswered until they’ve tackled what’s urgent. It’s not about dropping balls; it’s about keeping your eye on what truly moves things forward.

That’s self-compassion in action: realizing not everything deserves your attention right now. It’s a quiet rebellion against perfectionism—and it can make all the difference when life gets hectic or heavy.

If you’re searching for practical ways to apply this at work and beyond, explore 5 ways to reduce stress and boost productivity at work. These strategies offer tangible steps for reclaiming your focus and energy.

A Simple Playbook for Moving Forward

So how do we actually practice letting go in daily life? Good news: it doesn’t require grand gestures—just some small shifts in mindset and behavior. Here’s a playbook I’ve leaned on when “I can’t” is my honest answer:

1. Pause and Breathe

   Before jumping into autopilot mode or guilt spirals, give yourself a moment to acknowledge what you’re feeling. Take a deep breath and just notice—no judgment needed. This quick pause can break the cycle of nonstop productivity and open space for choices that actually serve you.

2. Let Something Go

   Ask yourself: What is one tiny thing I can set aside right now? Maybe it’s an email you don’t answer today or laundry that waits until tomorrow. Letting go isn’t giving up; it’s conserving energy for what matters most.

Essentialism comes into play here—it’s about focusing on the vital few and eliminating the trivial many.

Greg McKeown captures this mindset well: “There are far more activities and opportunities in the world than we have time and resources to invest in…most are trivial and few are vital.”

Learn more about what is Essentialism and how it helps sharpen focus.

Fun fact (and a gentle nudge): Research shows we’re more likely to knock out unimportant tasks with low payoffs just because they seem urgent—even when more important things are waiting. Explore urgency bias research for insights into how prioritizing discernment can be transformative.

If you ever struggle with bouncing back after missing a day or slipping up on habits, resetting after a missed day is not only possible—it can be a powerful way to reinforce self-compassion and build lasting consistency.

3. Take One Step Forward

   Progress doesn’t need to be epic. Even getting out for your walk or showing up for your coffee ritual counts as moving forward—don’t minimize it. Celebrate those micro-moments of progress.

By practicing this playbook, you’ll gradually shift from chasing perfection to making meaningful progress—even when things feel messy or incomplete. Over time, these tiny changes build resilience and help you bounce back from overwhelm faster.

If perfectionism or overthinking ever stalls your progress, remember that even big breakthroughs require small steps. Little shifts make real change possible.

Real Stories and Science: The Power of Letting Go

Embracing imperfection isn’t just a feel-good mantra—it’s a genuine strategy for well-being. Psychological research shows that letting go of minor annoyances or unfinished tasks can cut stress levels and improve mental health in real ways. For example, a three-year study found that nonattachment (not clinging to outcomes) actually protects against poor mental health—see nonattachment research for details.

I’ve noticed this in stories from leaders and creatives too—they don’t credit their breakthroughs to grinding nonstop but to knowing when to pause or redirect energy toward what really matters. Sometimes stepping back from non-essential tasks is exactly what allows us to return stronger when it counts.

Case in point: former President Barack Obama famously wore only gray or blue suits so he wouldn’t waste decision energy on trivial choices—freeing up headspace for bigger decisions. That’s letting go put into practice!

And here’s another science-backed nudge: treating ourselves with self-compassion—not beating ourselves up when things aren’t perfect—actually strengthens resilience. Find out how self-compassion bolsters resilience according to current research.

For more on why knowing when to stop can be just as important as pushing through, take a look at why success isn’t just about pushing—it’s about knowing when to stop. Sometimes, letting go is exactly what creates space for growth.

Embracing Imperfection to Move Ahead

So here’s my invitation: Think about something you’ve recently let go of—not because you didn’t care, but as an intentional act of self-care or prioritization. What did you gain by setting it aside? Did you feel lighter? More present?

Research on self-acceptance shows that people who embrace their imperfections report higher life satisfaction and lower anxiety (source). Embracing imperfection doesn’t just ease your personal pressure—it also sets a healthy example for everyone around you.

If embracing authenticity and letting go of expectations resonate with you, explore the truth about being yourself—it dives into why being true to who you are is often harder (and more rewarding) than it sounds.

Let’s celebrate these choices—the ones that honor our limits and make space for growth. Life’s biggest lessons often hide in plain sight—in untied shoes, unfinished tasks, and those quiet moments where we choose grace over perfection.

As you head into your next busy day, remember: sometimes the strongest move you can make is letting a shoelace stay untied. By choosing balance over perfection—even once—you open the door to a lighter, more genuine kind of well-being, one small decision at a time.