Why We Lose Touch With The People Who Shaped Us

But here’s the thing. I keep their influence to myself. Even when someone’s wisdom pops up in my thinking, I rarely stop to let them know. Maybe you notice the same pattern in your own career.

Working in tech—especially engineering and AI—feels like a constant sprint. You move between teams, switch stacks, drop into new repos, and even solid relationships start thinning out. The advice that used to keep you sharp just goes quiet. Not because it stopped mattering, but because you never paused to rekindle the connection. I’ve watched solid guidance stall out in my own work, simply because I let the relationship drift.

Why Specific Appreciation Rekindles Connections

A quick, specific note to someone you haven’t spoken to in months—or years—is surprisingly strong. It acts almost like a cache refresh for trust and memory, a little ping that wakes up the relationship without needing some elaborate catch-up. Six months ago I might have said relationships are either active or dead. Turns out they’re more like services that just need periodic pings. When you reach out after time apart, you’re reconnecting with someone whose growth and new connections may offer advice, referrals, and even support. That single act can spool up dormant collaboration and bring old wisdom right back into the loop.

Here’s what most folks miss. Framed as gratitude networking, sending one message a week isn’t a chore—it’s a background task. The payoff is bigger than you’d expect—fresh learning, unexpected introductions, new directions start showing up and it barely lifts you out of your routine.

Worried it’ll feel awkward reaching out of nowhere? Specificity does the social work for you. Naming a concrete moment or recalling a line of advice doesn’t just fill space, it signals sincerity and purpose. Most of us misjudge what happens next—recipients end up feeling more seen and uplifted, with less awkwardness, than we expect.

Some people hold back because they don’t want to seem transactional, as if they’re only reaching out with an agenda. But showing up with no ask helps you build trust with gratitude. Small gestures like this mean that later, collaboration flows because trust is already warm. People are actually more likely to help again when their efforts get acknowledged—a sense of social worth drives that generosity.

Ingredients for a high-impact note are straightforward. Keep it short, keep it genuine, anchor it to a real memory or piece of advice from your shared past. That’s it. Next, I’ll show you actual scripts—ways to do this now, without sounding like a template, and roll it into your weekly routine.

The Thanksgiving Challenge: How to Thank Mentors With Real-World Scripts

If you’re reaching out after months or even years apart, start with a concrete memory from a project you worked on together. For example:
“Hi [Name], I was reminiscing about the time we tackled [specific project] at [Company Name]. The way you handled [specific situation] really left an impression on me. I still use that approach today! Just wanted to say thanks for that.”

There’s also the classic “memorable advice” scenario—the kind of line or tip that found its way into your prep routine before talks or reviews, including the code review thanks you now make a habit of sharing. Here’s how I approached it this year:
“Hello [Name], You crossed my mind recently when I was preparing for a presentation. I remembered how you always said, ‘[Insert their advice].’ That wisdom has been invaluable over the years. Wishing you all the best!”

I’ll admit, quoting their exact words does most of the social lifting, bringing the memory front and center and making the note far less formal than you’d think. There was one time I started writing a thank-you note and ended up in a weird ten-minute spiral, scrolling LinkedIn to see what that person was up to lately. (I got distracted by photos of an office dog, if I’m being honest.) It felt slightly off the rails, but it made the thank-you land more personally—and yes, I ended up mentioning the dog, which now feels like a tangent but really, it made the whole exchange less stiff. The key is anchoring your thanks to a moment that actually shaped how you operate now. For me, it was this recurring phrase—something about “audience before content”—and it still crops up every time I’m standing in front of a room.

Even the tiniest lessons count. Small tips travel further than we admit, and naming them out loud is proof you were really paying attention.

So I started sending a few mentor thank you messages like this:
“Hey [Name], Just a quick note to let you know that the [specific skill or tip] you taught me is something I still rely on today. Thanks for making such a lasting impact!”

You don’t have to write an essay. A quick message each week, no big asks, just a specific moment or memory that made a difference. One calendar reminder can keep you on track. When the note’s anchored to something real, it carries warmth—sometimes even more than a long catch-up. Let the specificity do the heavy lifting. The cadence, not the length, is what makes this stick.

Make It Stick: Turning Gratitude Into a Weekly Ritual

Here’s how I’ve kept my well-intentioned gratitude from fading out by December 15th. I set a recurring reminder—Friday after standup, because habits stick better when they hitch a ride with routines I already do. Then I keep a simple backlog: just a running list of colleagues, mentors, and one-liner memories in my notes app. Think of it like a lightweight CI job for your network. If it’s not scheduled, it doesn’t exist, and a touchpoint each week keeps the whole system healthy.

Shrink the barrier to sending: keep the note three to five lines, always include one concrete memory or direct quote, never add an ask. Send it wherever feels natural—email, Slack, LinkedIn, even a handwritten card if you’re feeling analog. No need to overthink tone; concise and specific beats flowery every time.

After sending, I jot down the date, which channel I used, and the context in a spreadsheet. This makes it easy to scan at a glance—and helps ensure I rotate through different roles, departments, even project years, not just the most recent.

There will be weeks you miss—and that’s fine. The habit’s power is in the rebound. Just pick up where you left off, not where you “should” be. If sending a text feels stale, switch it up: leave a short voice memo, star a project on GitHub and mention why, or give a public shout-out on a team call. Specific, genuine, brief—the format flexes as much as you do. This isn’t about perfection. It’s about steady connection, season after season.

And sometimes, I still slip. Regular outreach is easy to forget when deadlines stack up. I know I’ll keep missing weeks here and there, even if I don’t want to.

Shift from Holiday Gratitude to Lasting Practice

Thanksgiving pushed me to reflect, but this isn’t just a holiday ritual. The aim is a practice you can trust: a small, weekly habit that compounds trust and keeps old guidance alive in your day-to-day work. Don’t wait for another calendar prompt to express what you already know matters.

Here’s your move for this week: practice how to thank mentors and pick one person—mentor, teammate, someone you learned from—who’s faded into your rearview. Reach out. Or, more simply, share a memory or an old piece of advice that still shapes your thinking. This note doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to be genuine. Sincerity beats wordsmithing, and one short message is enough to make the connection feel welcome, even overdue.

Ready to try the Thanksgiving challenge? Leave a like or comment if you’re in. If you start now, you’ll be surprised how quickly the circle widens back.