Introduction: Rethinking Leadership to Prevent Burnout

After years of steering engineering teams through launches, pivots, and the relentless churn of reorgs, there’s one lesson I wish I’d learned much earlier: the most vital constant in any team isn’t a process or a tool—it’s you. When you, as an engineering manager, start to burn out, the whole system feels it. This isn’t just a personal struggle; it’s persistent, widespread, and has ripple effects that stretch far beyond your own inbox.

There’s a different path—the ‘Oxygen Mask Principle.’ You’ve heard it on every flight: secure your own mask before helping others. As managers, we love to put the team first, but if you neglect your own well-being, your ability to lead is compromised. I learned this the hard way. Protecting yourself isn’t selfish; it’s the foundation for resilient, high-performing teams.

This shift in thinking is at the core of what I now call my Burnout Playbook—a set of habits and frameworks that put your well-being at the foundation of sustainable leadership. In this post, I’ll share how moving from martyr to system designer changed not only my experience as a manager but also my team’s outcomes.

From Martyr to System Designer: The Shift in Mindset

There’s a deeply embedded myth in engineering leadership: that the best managers are endlessly selfless. Especially early on, it’s easy to believe your job is to say yes to every request, absorb every setback, and insulate your team from all hardship—no matter the cost.

I fell for that myth myself. For years, I thought shouldering every burden proved my commitment. But let me be blunt—acting as the sole shock absorber puts both your well-being and your team’s resilience at risk. The martyr mindset feels noble in the short term but ultimately creates a single point of failure. If you burn out (and if you try to do it all alone, you probably will), your absence sends shockwaves through your team.

So what’s the alternative? Stop being the shield. Become a system designer instead. That means building processes where stress is distributed, autonomy is encouraged, and self-care is seen as healthy leadership—not as an afterthought.

Letting go of control isn’t easy. Redefining what it means to support your team can feel uncomfortable at first—like you’re abandoning them or not doing enough. But in reality, this shift opens up a sustainable path for everyone involved.

If you’ve ever heard of the ‘Bus Factor’—the idea that a low number means your absence would be catastrophic—you know why this matters. Raising your bus factor is how you build true sustainability for yourself and your team.

By the way, if you’re unsure whether burnout is creeping up on you, try this 360 self-check approach to spot subtle warning signs before they escalate.

The Burnout Playbook: Five Essential Habits

“My job isn’t to protect them—it’s to protect us. And that starts with taking care of the only constant on every team I’ve ever led: me.”

1. Say No and Prioritize Ruthlessly

   You’re not a catch-all for everyone’s asks. Burnout often starts when your calendar becomes a dumping ground for meetings and requests that don’t move the needle.

   Ruthless prioritization isn’t about being unkind or inflexible; it’s about fiercely protecting your focus and energy for what matters most. Your time is finite. Your backlog feels infinite. Welcome to engineering management.

   This deep-dive on prioritization frameworks nails an often-overlooked truth: execution is about consistently identifying high-leverage activities—not just for you, but for your team as well.

   What works for me? Audit your calendar for meetings that have outlived their purpose—cancel two this week. Say no to one non-essential ask without apologizing or over-explaining. Every boundary you draw reclaims time for strategic work—and recovery.

   I remember axing a weekly status meeting that had become a time sink and replacing it with brief written updates. Suddenly, everyone had hours back for focused work. Small changes add up fast.

   For leaders who struggle with saying no or setting boundaries, these practical steps for resetting boundaries can help restore balance before your system demands it.

2. Build for Absence, Not Control

   If taking a week off would grind everything to a halt, you’re not leading a team—you’re running a bottleneck.

   Leadership means designing systems where things run smoothly even when you’re not there. Delegate one critical task you usually own. Instead of micromanaging, coach your team member through it and then step back. You’re not just freeing yourself; you’re developing your team so they aren’t dependent on any one person—including you.

   Think succession planning—even for routine responsibilities. Document processes, share ownership, prepare for the unexpected. That’s what real resilience looks like.

   

   Building systems for sustainability isn’t just about delegation; it’s about making intentional choices that promote well-being—explored further in redefining productivity through intentional well-being.

3. Communicate Up and Down (Early & Often)

   Unspoken expectations are silent stressors—for you and your team alike. It’s easy to assume everyone knows what’s on your plate or where priorities lie, but silence breeds anxiety and misalignment.

   Try blocking 15 minutes every Friday to share one win, one challenge, and one priority with both your team and your boss. It surfaces risks before they escalate—and keeps invisible pressures from piling up on just your shoulders.

   A lightweight ‘Weekly Update’ covering wins, blockers, and next steps can streamline communication and set clear expectations at every level.

4. Track the Invisible Load

   Not all burnout shows up as calendar events or Jira tickets. Context switching, emotional labor, late-night Slack messages—they all accumulate under the surface. If you don’t track what drains (and energizes) you, meaningful change slips away unnoticed.

   At day’s end, jot down what left you depleted—and what gave you energy. Over time, patterns emerge; suddenly you see where hidden workload lives.

   Energy audits can be as simple as a daily self-check or part of weekly retros with your team. Either way, they bring invisible labor into the open—and make space for real solutions.

   If you’re ready to take concrete steps toward recovery before burnout takes hold, explore the Burnout Recovery Playbook for practical strategies to reset and protect your energy.

5. Redefine “Showing Up”

   Logging off is leadership too. When you take breaks or set boundaries around work hours, you send a message: sustainability is part of our culture here. If you’re always online or visibly exhausted, your team takes that as the standard.

   Block recharge time on your calendar with as much seriousness as a 1:1 with your top engineer—and defend it fiercely. Your well-being sets the tone; when you model rest and boundaries, others feel permission to do the same.

   I’ve seen it firsthand—when one manager openly scheduled their break times and communicated them clearly, others followed suit. It led to fewer after-hours messages and noticeably better morale across the board.

   For those navigating demanding environments or toxic cultures, learning how to protect yourself from burnout by recognizing harmful patterns can make all the difference.

   

The Ripple Effect: Why Your Well-Being Shapes the Team

Manager well-being isn’t just nice-to-have; it shapes team performance and psychological safety at its core. When leaders neglect themselves, everyone feels it—morale dips, engagement wanes, and burnout spreads faster than most people realize.

Early research on burnout in software engineering was mostly anecdotal—but today’s data is clear: manager burnout doesn’t stay contained; it ripples outward through entire teams (see recent systematic research).

One thing I wish more leaders talked about is psychological safety—the belief that people can take risks without fear of negative consequences—which is modeled from the top down. When managers show vulnerability and prioritize wellness, they signal to others that it’s safe to do the same.

In my own experience, building these habits unlocked deeper trust within my teams than any offsite or all-hands ever could. Modeling boundaries around work hours empowered others to follow suit without fear of being seen as less committed. Transparent communication turned isolated stress into collective problem-solving sessions.

Culture isn’t built by slogans or presentations—it takes shape in daily behaviors at every level of leadership. When managers show up authentically (which sometimes means stepping back), they grant permission for everyone else to bring their whole selves to work—challenges included.

If you’re looking to reinforce sustainable practices within your organization, these tips on leading for sustainability and preventing team burnout offer practical steps for lasting success.

Putting It Into Practice: Sustainable Leadership in Action

Embedding these habits into daily life takes intention—and plenty of patience with yourself along the way. Here’s a practical framework to get started:

1. Start Small: Pick one habit from this playbook—maybe ruthless prioritization or tracking invisible labor—and practice it consistently for two weeks.
2. Reflect: At week’s end, ask yourself: What shifted? Did I feel less overwhelmed? Did my team notice any changes?
3. Iterate: Adjust based on feedback from yourself and those around you.
4. Share: Invite your team into your process. Be open about what you’re experimenting with—it makes growth and self-care feel normal in leadership roles.
5. Celebrate: Recognize not just outcomes but also sustainable behaviors—like someone taking that well-earned break or stepping up during your absence.

Habit stacking can help these routines stick: tie new practices to existing habits (like pairing your daily standup with a quick check-in on energy or boundaries).

Real-world implementation looks different everywhere: some teams use shared calendars to visualize workloads; others block off ‘no-meeting’ time or rotate leadership duties to build redundancy. What matters isn’t perfection—it’s making sustainability an active part of your operating system.

“You can’t lead well if you’re barely holding it together.”

Conclusion: Burnout as a System Failure—And How You Can Rewrite the System

Burnout isn’t proof of dedication; it signals something deeper in the system needs fixing. As engineering managers, we carry both responsibility—and real power—to rewrite those systems from within.

Systems thinking teaches us this hard truth: persistent problems like burnout aren’t solved by individual effort alone; they require changes at every level—habits, norms, culture itself.

Choosing to prevent burnout isn’t weakness or selfishness; it’s how effective leaders survive (and help their teams thrive) in today’s complex environments. By shifting from martyrdom to system design—and building habits that put well-being first—you create teams that last.

Let me leave you with this reminder: sustainable leadership starts by protecting your own capacity—because when you show up whole, everyone benefits.

Leadership is an ongoing journey of learning and self-compassion. By choosing sustainable practices—even just one small shift at a time—you honor both your limits and your team’s long-term potential. Over time, those small changes lay down a foundation strong enough for everyone to grow.